Thought:

Perhaps our meeting was to provide the bit of a push I needed to get back to church. I cannot tell you the blessings that have come from going back. I had forgotten how beautiful it is to hear my children pray. While it feels better to give myself a positive reason as to why I met you, I will be grateful for the person you are on that pedestal. You are worthy of great things and in part you helped me to remember my worth.

"One question: do you need... someone, or do you need me?... Forget it, I don't really care."

Thought

I am constantly rediscovering my strength.

All Worth It Moments:

Mckelsie wanted spaghetti for dinner. I didn't think that I had any spaghetti sauce so we stopped at the store to get some. I had Mckelsie go into the store and call me so that I could help her get the right brand name of sauce that we like. I was still on the phone with her when she went to pay for it. The checker asked her something and Mckelsie responds saying in the most polite, kind way;

"I'm sorry, I don't understand your language".

The checker repeats herself again; "Is that all?"

I LOVE MY KID!!!!

All Worth It Moments:

Mom: "We're going to run to Ross really fast before they close."
Mckelsie: "Ohhh..... (sounding completely put out...); that is the second worst store right next to Home Depot!"

O God, Where Art Thou?

"O God, where art thou?"

~Joseph Smith

I have pondered this saying above so many times in the last several months. I have said it aloud, whispered it in my heart, screamed it at the top of my lungs. I have thought it, dreamed it and wrestled with it. Oh how cruel a world can be and yet as I sit here typing I have come to a realization that is as simple as the words themselves sound. God is all around us. Both my kids over the last month and half have been taking the missionary discussions for the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. I was born and raised in the church and my testimony has always been present, not always strong at times, but always there. I know, and always have that it's teachings are true. The people in it are not always perfect but the basic principles are true.

I watched my daughter, Mckelsie and my son, Jayden baptized and I have been filled with emotion. I have had so many thoughts throughout the day yesterday and this morning that I had to put them down somewhere, so....here they are.

God is all around us. Just when I had thought and even surrendered to, thinking life just may not be worth living anymore, I must look up, look for good and if I ask the question one more time as I'm sure I'll ask many more times in my lifetime; "O God, where art thou?", I am answered. He is there in my girlfriends. He is there in the neighbor, sweet sweet grandmother. He is there in my mother and father. He is there through my children. He is there in the coworker that sits next to me. He is there through someone else's trials. He is there through the missionaries that haven't a clue of my struggles. He is there through a boyfriend. He is there through a trusted friend and counselor. I have told myself for years and truly believe that if we do as Christ would do, try to treat others as Christ would have, we will find peace. Well, my children and parents and girlfriends and friends are doing just that, being like Christ would be to me. God is there through others. My angels.

How blessed I am.

Oprah

Ok, so I LOVE Oprah. I have been a fan for years! It's always been somewhat of a therapy session watching her show but I don't have to pay for it. I watched her finale last night and here's a few things that stuck out at me. I actually want to watch it again because there is alot of really good things that she spoke of that I'm sure I didn't catch. I very much respect the person she is and more importantly, I respect the motivation that she has given me. If you haven't seen this final episode, I highly recommend it!

"Please take responsibility for the energy you bring to this space."

~Dr. Jill Bolt Taylor

(Oprah spoke of how important it is that we realize our responsibility in how we act/interact with the world around us and that we are responsible for the "energy" we present. I loved this because I realize even though I may have a bad day, months or even the last 7 years, I need to show responsibility in what energy I'm putting out to the people around me every day. I'm not going to make any one's day brighter or better if I'm sulking in my own self pity of problems and hard ships. I just need to remember this. I guess it goes back to a little experiment that Jayden and I did a few weeks ago. We decided one morning to pick 10 random people and smile at them, say hello and see how many of those 10 people smile back. Jayden had 9 of the 10 people smile back at him and I had 10 for 10. We can make a difference. Our energy does make a difference.)

"Don't wait for someone else to complete you. Jerry Maguire was just a movie."

~Oprah

(enough said)

"We often block our own blessings because we don't recognize we're worthy enough.
You're worthy because you were born. You alone are enough.

I trust that everything happens for a reason, even if we are not wise enough to see it.

Try saying to your loved ones: "I see you. I hear you. And what you say matters to me."

Your life is speaking to you. What does it say?
Everybody has a calling, and your real job in life is to find it."

~Oprah

Baseball 2011

Jayden playing ball....

It's been a bit more mello this year and Jayden hasn't had as much excitement in playing but during his last game he got to play catcher. The look on his face, his smile, was precious! Mckelsie took most of these pictures with her cell phone and wow....she's a pretty good photographer! It was alot of fun to see Jayden playing his favorite position.

Here's my little man....catching!

U2 Concert 2011

U2 Concert 2011

This concert was so freaking awesome!

I had so much fun and truly is the best one I've been to.

Thank you Melissa for taking me!

Andy, Quinn, Melissa and Rebecca

We were really quite close to the stage!

Melissa & Rebecca

Andy, Quinn, Melissa & Rebecca

Happy Birthday!

Happy Birthday

to my baby girl!

I've never been a really big birthday bash kind of parent. I mean we've had birthday gatherings with the family and what not, but nothing to extravagant. I've just always thought it was a waste of money and honestly it kind of is. This year however, I must've been a really good mood because I agreed (with alot of prodding from Mckelsie) to do a big birthday bash for her. She invited several of her friends from school, seminary, school teachers, cousins and several of my close friends that love her. We had a GREAT turnout! I rented one of those "jumping houses" that was a boxing ring and it was so much fun! The kids LOVED it! Mckelsie recieved presents and she felt so special....so mission accomplished!

I love you Mckelsie! I can't believe you are 15. I remember the day you were born, the many years of chasing you all over with your blonde curly hair and alot of little perfect moments. You will always be my baby girl and I know I was blessed with an amazing little (big now....) person.

Rebecca & Mckelsie in the jump house

Melissa and Asher with the boxing glove

Jacob and Karen had a match

Karen....good pic! Too bad Riley is blurry.

My baby girl...Mckelsie

Melissa, Karen and Rebecca (our not so serious posing)

I LOVE this one! Melissa and Karen were in their match and little Asher looks like the umpire (or whatever you call those guys)

Look at their mouths....they are both wide open in laughter!

I had to post this one of Melissa!

Miles

Kali

Caitlyn and Sarah

Austin, Alex, Taylor, Kayanne, Mckelsie

Asher

Cutest picture! Karen, Mckelsie and Melissa

Riley

Kali, Mikale, Mckelsie and Aunt Janet

Mckelsie, Miss Kimm (teacher from Jr High) and baby Lini

Mckelsie & Lorrie

Alex, Taylor, Mckelsie, Austin & Jayden

Nikki & Mckelsie

Mckelsie, Kristina & Julia (Seminary friends)

Mckelsie, Kylie & Kevin (teacher from Jr High)

Kristina, Julia and Louisa drawing with the chalk.

These girls (Kristina and Julia) are some of the sweetest

girls ever!

Jayden

Mckelsie

Selena, Nate, Mckelsie, Louisa, Brittany and Andy (friends from school)

Mckelsie & Selena

Bigger Picture:

I heard the song, "The Truth" by Kris Allen the other day and there's a line in the song that says; "Stop pretending that it's not ending and let the end begin". There is a time in life when we have to surrender to the idea of a bigger picture. I can prepare for the fight and get through the fight, sometimes barely standing (more like, lying helpless, lifeless and barely breathing) but need to realize that perhaps my lesson is letting the end begin. The bigger picture I cannot see but know and believe that God has this picture, maybe in his living room, and knows what I do not. I know He does watch over me and need to trust in his bigger picture.

When everything went down with my ex husband (I say this phrase alot in talking about my ex and his life changing decisions) I remember a social worker talking to me after I had just found out that my husband of almost 9 years had been arrested for child sexual abuse. He asked what I was going to do next. My response was; "Keep breathing".

Sometimes, in the bigger picture of life, to just keep breathing is all we can do.

What we get out of life....

There's been alot in my life lately that has got me thinking, I know a dangerous thing! What do I really believe in, know of and would fight for? I do honestly believe that every person comes into our lives for three things;

1- for our own benefit
2- for their own benefit
or
3- for both of our benefits

I know that all our struggles are difficult for each of us in our own ways. Just because it may be easy for someone else doesn't mean it should be easy for you. Based on the "hurdles" that are placed before us, we are meant to grow. I know I'm a stronger person, better person, more compassionate person for having gone through my "hurdles". Who's to say that my relationships that I value so dearly today would be the same without my "hurdles".

My children are definately something that I would fight for. I am trying very hard to teach my children how to fight for themselves as well. Perhaps fighting isn't the right word here but I think this world is so difficult that we must always be prepared to fight, not seek out the fight but be ready. This is not to say that we will have all the answers to how to fight but that's where our friends and family come into play.

Jayden, Sweetest Boy In The Whole Wide World

So, I just had to share the cutest conversation I think I may have had with my boy yet. Both my kids have been taking the missionary discussions. Jayden is so smart and retains so much information. He's so sweet and tries to explain everything to Mckelsie. The other night just before bed, Jayden asked Mckelsie if she says her bedtime prayers. She answered; "No, not really". Jayden in the most humble voice told her; "Well, I think you should. It'll help you to sleep better and have a good day tomorrow". Jumping into the conversation I suggested we could do a family prayer. Jayden said the prayer and during his prayers he always thanks our Heavenly Father for the good things we enjoy. He even prayed for Layne, Caitlyn and Ethan so that they would be able to figure out their problems soon. My heart was full. He said how much he loved his family and how we should remember to be nice to each other all the time.

My cup runneth over.....

Thought:

‎"The most beautiful people we have known are those who have known defeat, known suffering, known struggle, known loss, and have found their way out of the depths. These persons have an appreciation, a sensitivity, and an understanding of life that fills them with compassion, gentleness, and a deep loving concern. Beautiful people do not just happen."

— Elisabeth Kübler-Ross

Blessed

I had a friend tell me today, "You've been very blessed in your life to have received such an array of experiences." I'm still trying to grasp the concept of my experiences being blessings (it will be a continual effort). I am certain that I would likely trade, at a moments notice, all of my experiences for the "normal" life.

Now this one friend, on the outside, looks as though he has it all. Extremely intelligent, beautiful wife and five very bright handsome boys. He's extremely accomplished here at work and all that I know who know him, respect him. He seems well balanced in all his thinking and acting. You would not at all think that he would know the struggles I've faced but in some small way, he gets it. I guess it's solidified my thinking that you don't always have to go through the crap yourself, that you can learn from others crap. However, perhaps, he was just born with the gift to look outside himself. I have several close friends that fit this category....oh how truly blessed I am.

I am so grateful for people that care enough, past themselves, to try to help others. I am so grateful that my Heavenly Father put true friends in my path and has allowed me to meet some amazing people. If it were not for my experiences, perhaps my friendships would not be the same (as they have been and are today) and to that I am blessed.

Thank you my friends for always being there for me, through my pity parties, happiness, regret and most of all, my life.

Thoughts:

"Between the adored and the adorer, falls the shadows."

~Author unknown

__________

"What is meant for you, will not pass you by."

~Author unknown

__________

“We are afraid of losing what we have, whether it’s our life or our possessions and property. But this fear evaporates when we understand that our life stories and the history of the world were written by the same hand”

~ The Alchemist

___________

“It’s the possibility of having a dream come true that makes life interesting”

~ The Alchemist

___________

Rose Park Snackstand 2011

Every year for baseball the parents are supposed to volunteer a couple of hours one night to help in the snack stand. I really wanted to be able to watch Jayden's game which happened to fall at the same time they asked me to volunteer in the snack stand. I had just got finished "talking" (not yelling) at the coach during the last game for not playing Jayden so I really felt like I needed to be there. Mckelsie LOVES to do the snack stand but can't do it by herself so I asked Cait if she would come and help Mckelsie. Thankfully, she did. Mckelsie did so good as always and was pretty excited that I paid her $10 too! Wished I would've gotten a few more pics but forgot my camera. Thank you Mckelsie and Cait for pulling my weight!

I love Lily's

I saw these at the store and couldn't resist buying them, then they bloomed!

Easter 2011

New Hardwood Floors!!!

I had hardwood floors put in my family room, finally! I've been wanting to do this for several years and the carpet previously in there had seen it's last days for sure, so it was time. I absolutely LOVE them!!! It was fun to revamp a bit. Thanks Layne for helping me paint!