Emotions / Saddness & Anger & Hurt

Troubles with the ex-wife, not an uncommon thing to hear about after you've married a man with another marriage right?  

This trouble is really getting to me though.  I struggle to know where to help Randy and when.  Last week after several emails had been exchanged with Randy and his ex about the summer schedule for Carter, and she had sent over one that was very hurtful, full of anger and bitterness, rehashing the past and completely not focusing on Carter, I decided that I would finally reach out to her.  I have wanted to for a long time now, just to let her know who I was, my past and that even though I don't know everything that happened in hers and Randy's marriage, I know how hard it is to be alone and be a single mother.  I wanted to write and tell her how fortunate she was that she even has a father like Randy in Carter's life that wants to be a father, takes that role very seriously and to the heart, pays her child support without fail (even without a job for two and a half months), is always there to pick up Carter and spend time with him and takes a full interest in being a father and a co-parent with her.  I wanted to say that but I didn't.  I just told her my story, told her that my goal was to assist Randy in being the best father he could be for Carter and that I could understand how hard things are for her at this moment in time.  Well, being the "sweet" person she is (ever since I've known her) she called me up on the phone (angry/bitter voice arranged perfectly as usual), thanked me for sharing my story with her, told me I had made a great life for myself, Jayden and Mckelsie and that she can understand that it must have been hard for me.  Then, here's the blowing off/up/around/all over part.....  She then told me that she felt she must warn me that Randy isn't who I think he is and that he made horrible choices in their marriage that affected her deeply and that she wouldn't tell me what those were because I wouldn't believe her anyways and it was none of my business.  What the hell?????  Why even say that then?????  She said some very mean things about Randy and his personal character and then proceeded in an even angrier tone that she did not want to be friends with me, did not want to be friends with me on face book, did not want me to contact her employer (which I had only done after she suggested that Randy submit a "GRAMA" request to the city where she works to request her current income because she couldn't just supply it to Randy in the first place and "make it easy on Randy", no, she makes him go through all these hoops just to get it, so I submitted the request for Randy and called the person in charge to follow up with that request.....and it's PUBLIC record anyways) and she did not want me to contact her family (which I have never even done or thought to do) and I was not to contact her anymore.  I was stunned.....completely shocked.  How rude and inconsiderate could a person be?  Well, she showed me and confirmed all the mean, evil things I've witnessed her say to Randy via phone, text and email. 

I really am not one to be hateful or unforgiving, but WOW, I don't know how to not hate her.  She has been so outright mean. I understand how hard it must be for her to have to suffer through financial stress (and clearly there was financial stress which continues today) trying to come to grips with having to be single again, having the negative connotation of having a  marriage not work out and having to change yourself the future you thought you were going to have.  I KNOW all of those heartaches.  What I don't know is how hateful she can be to Randy when he really is trying to be a good caretaker and father.  What I don't know or understand is how hateful she could be towards me.  With all of my struggles and the wrongs that Mike, my ex has thrown upon me, I have always tried to be a decent person about it all.  In some ways I my have had it easier than Randy's ex simply for the fact that Mike was "away" for 7 years, I had no jealousy of another woman to interfere with my ability to move on and no way to see that Mike was "moving on". However, I believe if I was comparing our lives (Randy's ex to my own) and the trials that I imagine (from what I've heard from Randy, the kids and solely from her behavior since I've known her) she's gone through, I simply had it the worst.  Hell is a better word for it.  So this is why I'm struggling to NOT hate her. 

The other piece to this is Randy.  He doesn't like conflict and I feel that he's very intimidated by his ex (which I totally understand why after our wonderful phone call last week) and doesn't want to "rock the boat".  He talks all the time about wanting to see Carter more, having him sleep over on his Tuesday's and just wanting to be more involved but feels like he can't simply because of his anxiety of having to deal with his ex.  This really bothers me and I don't know how to handle it.  I don't know what to say to him. 

I've prayed long and hard about the whole situation....(I know people... I pray!!!).  I'm now getting frustrated that my prayers seem to continue to be unanswered.... 

I know time heals, I know that for a fact.  Perhaps that's what I need to focus on, is just letting time heal itself and not even think about the situation.  Randy and I are doing great,  I love him more every day.  The kids are doing well and my favorite season has just begun, Summer.  I think it's time for me to focus on that for now.

I need to paint a room or something!!!!